


Can't Remember to Forget You

by cissathebookworm



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bittersweet, M/M, Sad Ending, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13188204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissathebookworm/pseuds/cissathebookworm
Summary: AU in which Harry and Draco developed a relationship but when it came down to it, Harry Obliviated Draco's memories to keep Draco safe. The plan goes smoothly until Draco is confronted with Harry and the feeling that he was missing time and Draco stands up instead of following along with Voldemort's plans. Not a happy ending.





	Can't Remember to Forget You

**Author's Note:**

> So this was actually supposed to have a happy ending, but it didn't and now I made myself sad so I'm sharing my pain. Anyways, this has been in the works for a while but it's finally here! I really hope you enjoy crying as much as I enjoyed making myself cry while writing this. Cheers! Please DO NOT REPOST without my acknowledgment and permission. Reccing my fics is fine.

Harry smiles at the outline of Draco’s back in the dark room, highlighted only by the glow of the lone candle. Harry traces a hand down his lover’s back, a large, stupid grin on his face. Draco shivers in his sleep from the contact, causing Harry’s grin to broaden. The Room of Requirement is their shelter from the storm; it is where they can be together without trouble and Harry wouldn’t have it any other way. He loves Draco and Harry knows he can imagine spending forever with the blonde haired boy. They’d been together since their fourth year. It was silly how they’d gotten together; being forced to spend hours together washing cauldrons during detention for the time they’d gotten into a brawl in Potions. They went from hating each other to tolerating the other’s presence and soon enough they were wrestling on the floor together, but this time lips locked instead of fists flying.

 

Harry rolls over closer to his lover and presses slow kisses up his spine. Draco wakes up, groggy from sleep. “Go back to sleep, love, it’s still nighttime.” 

 

Harry hums happily, “Can’t sleep, just thought I’d admire you.” 

 

Draco gives a low, sleepy chuckle, “Charming.” 

 

“I know.” Harry presses another kiss to the back of Draco’s neck, causing him to arch into Harry’s ministrations. “I love you.” 

 

“I love you, too,” Draco replies, stealing a kiss from his lover. 

 

Harry happily returns the kiss and melts into it. “What would I do without you?” Harry mumbles. 

 

“Walk around in a daze.” Draco teases, “Now shut up and kiss me.” 

 

“Your wish is my command.” Harry surrenders himself to Draco’s kisses.

 

The two trade kisses for several minutes until Draco becomes lazy in his kisses, slowly falling back to sleep. “I love you,” Draco mumbles once again against Harry’s lips. 

 

“And I love you so much.” Harry replies, “Never forget that.” 

 

Draco smiles, “It’s hard to when you kiss me like that.” 

 

“Good.” Harry nuzzles into Draco’s neck as Draco falls back to sleep. 

 

Draco means everything to Harry, which is why it was so hard what he was about to do next. But he would rather do this than allow Draco to get hurt because he was selfish and wanted to keep his lover close to his side. He can’t allow Voldemort to ruin one of the few good things he has in his life. With tears starting to pool in his eyes, Harry pulls his wand from out under his pillow, careful not to wake his lover once more. Pointing it at Draco’s head, Harry chokes out “Obliviate.” 

 

Draco rolls out of Harry’s grasp in his sleep, unaware of his stolen memories. 

 

Harry climbs out of the large bed to pull on his clothes, making sure not to jostle the bed and wake Draco up. Harry does so slowly, relishing every last second he has to view Draco up close. Finally, he pulls on his last bit of clothing and shoves his wand deep into his trouser pocket. Harry approaches Draco and allows himself to trail his hand up Draco’s bare back and curl into his hair. Harry steals a kiss from Draco’s lips before mumbling, “I love you” once more. 

 

Harry loosens his grip on Draco’s hair and quickly strides out of the room without looking back. He makes it only as far as an abandoned classroom before he collapses down onto the stone floor in a heap, sobbing. Hours later Harry returns to his almost empty dormitory, eyes and nose bright red. Ron takes one look at Harry before saying, “I’ll tell Hermione you’re not feeling so good.” 

 

Harry nods at his best friend thankfully. “What’s up, mate?” Ron asks, “Ginny turn you down? ‘Cause even though she’s my sister, she’s still not worth all the fuss.” Ron tries to cheer his friend up. 

 

“Something like that.” Harry agrees. Ron gives Harry another concerned look before he rushes out of their room towards breakfast, leaving Harry alone in the dorm. Harry pulls the curtains around his bed and tries to sleep the day away. 

 

On the other side of the castle, Draco enters the Great Hall well rested, if a bit confused. “Where were you this morning?” Blaise asks. 

 

“The Room of Requirement,” Draco answers, his tone betraying how confused he was about where he woke up. 

 

“You get a good shag and forget to come back?” Blaise teases. 

 

Draco looks even more confused, “I don’t remember why I was there.” 

 

Blaise raises an eyebrow, “That doesn’t sound sketchy at all. Some girl drug you up?” 

 

Draco shrugs, “Maybe I just went there and got plastered.” 

 

“Wouldn’t blame you mate, for all that  _ He’s _ making you do.” 

 

Draco looks away from his friend and goes along with the most likely answer, “Yeah, I bet I just went there to get plastered.” Though Draco privately thought that that wasn’t really the reason he was in that room that night. He had woke up alone, yes, but lingering in the air was the scent that was very familiar, even if he couldn’t place it and it wasn’t a female’s, of that Draco was certain. 

* * *

Potter, Draco notices, has been acting strange ever since that morning he found himself alone in the Room of Requirement. He is even more withdrawn than the boy-wonder usually is and he was getting spectacularly worse marks than usual, even his Quidditch skills were starting to suffer. Draco grumps at the thought, Potter is his only decent competition and now perfect Potter is even ruining that. Draco stares a hole into Harry, who is doing his best to ignore the Slytherin’s attention. 

 

Harry has done his best to dodge Draco whenever he could, going so far as to duck into the girl’s loo when Draco was coming his way in the corridor. Draco can’t help but wonder why the boy was even more cagey when it came to him. Every now and again Draco would catch a whiff of the scent he had been surrounded by when he woke up in the Room of Requirement but he would too soon lose the trail and be left even more confused than before. 

* * *

Soon enough summer break arrived. Draco grudgingly goes back to Malfoy Manor while Harry goes back to his Aunt and Uncle’s house for the last time. Draco does all that he can to sabotage the Death Eaters and help the Order as a secret informant. Harry does all that he can to stay alive while on the run and destroying Horcruxes. Then comes the dreadful night that Harry is captured and brought back to the Manor. Bellatrix shoves her nephew close to Harry’s face, causing Draco to practically press his nose against Harry’s neck.

 

Draco’s eyes widen in recognition of Harry’s eyes and then in recognition of the scent that he carries. Draco doesn’t doubt for a second that this was Harry Potter, but yet he manages to choke out, “I can’t be sure. It could be anyone.” 

 

Bellatrix sneers, “Then we’ll just have to wait until that little charm wears off.” 

 

“Draco, escort these two to the dungeons while I have fun with the ickle Granger girl.” 

 

Draco looks vaguely sick as he leads Ron and Harry down to the depths of the Manor. Draco shoves Ron into the cell and grabs Harry by the arm before he could follow his friend through the door. “What did you do to me?” Draco quietly demands of Harry, “I can’t get your scent out of my mind.” 

 

Harry looks startled at Draco’s revelation. “What?” 

 

“Your scent.” Draco repeats, “One morning I woke up in the Room of Requirement with this particular scent surrounding me on the bed. I couldn’t place where I remembered that scent from until just now. It’s you. Why?” 

 

“It’s better you not know why.” Harry tells Draco, “That way He can’t use any information against you. You’re safe this way.” 

 

Draco looks even more confused, “Potter, what-” 

 

“Draco please.” Harry pleads, “Just let it go.” 

 

“Let what go?” Draco desperately asks. “I just want to know why I can’t get-” 

 

“Draco,” Harry cuts across Draco’s words once more, “Draco, darling, please let it go. It’s safer this way. He can’t hurt you because of any connection to me. All He knows is that we were rivals at school and that you hate me.” 

 

“Potter, I don’t-” 

 

“Draco-” Harry cuts himself off, placing his hands on either side of Draco’s face and staring into Draco’s eyes. “Please, darling, let it go.” Dumbly Draco nods in agreement, captivated by Harry’s eyes. Harry slumps in relief, “Thank you. Now close the door and walk away so you can’t get in trouble for anything that happens next. Please, love.” 

 

Draco startles at the new term of endearment, sucking in a shaky breath, “You used Obliviate on me didn’t you?” 

 

“It’s better for you to not know.” 

 

Draco’s lips tremble, “Why?” 

 

Harry starts to get desperate, “Please, love, please just let me go into the cell. Then please walk away so you can’t be held responsible for anything that happens. I need you to be safe, I need that more than anything in this world.” Harry brushes a hand down Draco’s cheek, “You mean more than life to me.” 

 

Draco looks ready to cry, “Harry-” 

 

“Please, love.” Harry pleads again, “Please just do as I ask.” 

 

Draco finally nods before letting Harry back up. Draco shuts the door behind Harry and flees from the dungeons back to the main ballroom where Bellatrix is happily torturing Hermione. Draco tempers himself, trying not to be sick in the face of Hermione’s torment. Minutes later Dobby the house-elf, Ron, and Harry appear in the ballroom. Everything happens in quick succession, ending with Harry having Draco’s wand and Hermione disappearing with her friends. Narcissa evacuates Draco from the room before Bellatrix could turn her wrath on him. 

 

Narcissa and Draco appear at the Malfoy villa in France. “Mother, what are we doing here?” Draco demands of his mother. 

 

“We will stay here for the weekend and return Monday. A little vacation, if you will.” 

 

“But won’t we get in trouble?” 

 

“Not at all.” Narcissa doesn’t look worried, “We’re simply taking some time for you to gather potion ingredients that are hard to come by in England.” 

 

Draco nods along, “Of course, Mother….Mum, do you believe that Obliviated memories can be restored?” 

 

Narcissa looks startled at the abrupt change of subject. “Why ever do you ask?” 

 

“Someone who I believe was once close to me performed the spell on me. I think we were lovers. Was I different these last few years?” 

 

Narcissa contemplates Draco’s words before answering, “You seemed happier, content somehow.” She finally responds, “I had assumed you and Pansy were dating, finally understanding that you would marry after Hogwarts.” 

 

“It wasn’t Pansy.” Draco looks pained at the thought. 

 

“Then who, darling?” 

 

Draco sighs and responds faintly, “Harry.” 

 

“ _ Potter _ ?” Narcissa sharply clarifies.

 

“Yes,” Draco mumbles, “I only just realized and even then I am not certain.” 

 

“He must  _ never _ find out.” 

 

“That’s why Harry did what he did.” Draco looks depressed, “He called me ‘love’ and ‘darling,’ Mum.” Draco continues, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes, “And he took away any happy memory we might have had together.” 

 

“Oh, my darling boy.” Narcissa coos, pulling Draco into her chest and stroking his hair. 

 

“What do I do?” Draco mumbles. 

 

Narcissa sighs as she continues to stroke her son’s hair, “We’ll consult our library when we go back to the Manor.” 

 

“But can I seriously go back there? After knowing what I do now?” Draco pulls back to give his mother a concerned look, “What if He roots through my memories?” 

 

“Then we’ll flee. We’ll go to the Order.” 

 

“But to who?” 

 

“My other sister. She would know who we could trust.” Narcissa gives her son a reassuring look, “We will have a loyal house-elf gather the needed materials and then we’ll go to my sister. Someone in the Order may know about your case as well.” 

 

Draco’s lips are trembling, “I feel like part of me is missing.” 

 

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Narcissa softly tells her son, “I can’t imagine the loss of those fond memories, but I will do anything I can to make you happy once more.” 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“Anything for you sweetheart, you know that.” Narcissa pulls away from Draco, “Now, let’s go to the beach, forget our fears for the moment. We’ll find something pretty to give to my sister.” 

 

“What does she like?” Draco asks. 

 

Narcissa gives a small smile, “Oh when she was younger she used to love sea glass. Perhaps we could find her a necklace made of it.” 

 

“What is she like? You never talked about her.” Draco questions his mother, eager to forget about his lost memories for the moment. As the two head towards the beach, Narcissa regales her son with stories of her childhood. 

* * *

_ “Harry! Stop!” Draco giggles, squirming away from the other boy.  _

 

_ “Never! This is retaliation for what you did to my hair!”  _

 

_ Draco shrieks in laughter, “I made it look a thousand times better!”  _

 

_ “You turned it green!”  _

 

_ “I was simply marking you!” Draco turns his wide grin on his boyfriend. “Making sure everyone knew you were mine!”  _

 

_ “But no one but us knows that.” Harry softly states.  _

 

_ Draco sobers up, “Yeah, no one else.” Draco looks sadly at his boyfriend.  _

 

_ “I wish I could take you out.”  _

 

_ “But the dangers.” Draco replies, “If anyone was to tell my Father and word got to-”  _

 

_ “I know, maybe after the war we can come out.”  _

 

_ “You’d want to be seen with a former Death Eater?” Draco bitterly asks. “Because that’s all anyone will see when they look at me.”  _

 

_ “But I know the truth.” Harry takes Draco’s hand into his own, “Isn’t that all that matters?”  _

 

_ “It’s hard, hiding how much I love you from everyone.”  _

 

_ Harry sighs, “I want to shout it from the castle top, you know that, right?”  _

 

_ “I do.” Draco, too, sighs. “You couldn’t possibly how much I want to tell my mum every time we talk.”  _

 

_ Harry pulls Draco into a hug, “Soon we can go to Hogsmeade together or take a stroll through Diagon Alley.”  _

 

_ “I can’t wait for that day.” Draco gives Harry a beautiful smile.  _

 

_ “Me either.”  _

 

Harry wakes up from his dream, breathing hard through the tears spilling down his cheeks at the memory. “Harry,” Hermione asks groggily, “what’s wrong?” 

 

“Nothing, Hermione, go back to sleep.” 

 

“Harry, I can tell when you’re lying.” Hermione gets up and moves to sit on the edge of Harry’s bed, “Now please tell me what’s wrong.” 

 

“You wouldn’t believe me.” Harry tries. 

 

“Try me.” Hermione gives her friend an encouraging smile, “I’m quite open-minded.” 

 

“I-” Harry starts before quickly cutting himself off. “You must have noticed that I’ve been acting differently since the end of the sixth year.” 

 

Hermione nods, “After third year you became quite happy and then you were suddenly depressed all the time.” 

 

“I- I was seeing someone.” 

 

“I had assumed.” Hermione gently nudges her friend. “I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.” 

 

“I Obliviated him.” Harry quickly says, looking down towards his lap in shame, “It was for his own good, to keep him safe from, well, you know who.” 

 

“Harry!” Hermione looks horrified. “I had to do that to my parents and I can’t possibly imagine what made you think you had to do it to another wizard!” 

 

“They’re a Death Eater and he could have gotten in trouble, it was better if he didn’t have those memories at all. He is safer that way.” Harry responds. 

 

“It’s Malfoy isn’t it?” Hermione asks, observant as always. “That’s why he looked heartbroken when you took his wand. He confronted you and found out you took away some of his memories.” 

 

“Well...yes.” Harry admits, “I have to keep him safe. It means more to me than life itself.” 

 

“Oh, Harry.” Hermione sighs, “Why didn’t you just talk to him instead of Obliviating him?” 

 

“He would have never agreed to anything and would have gotten himself killed trying to keep me safe. I would never forgive myself if he died because of me.” 

 

“Harry, that’s rather selfish of you to take that choice away from him.” 

 

Harry flushes in shame, “I know.” 

 

Hermione sighs, “What were you dreaming about then?” 

 

“A memory of the two of us. When he dyed my hair green.” Harry laughs wetly, “It was one of the last times I saw him truly happy. You remember, it was right before I became sullen.” 

 

Hermione nods in understanding, “It was only a day before you did the spell on him.” 

 

Harry nods glumly, “I wish I hadn’t done it now. Or that there was a way to reverse the spell.” 

 

“I understand. My parents may never remember me. Though I do have some ideas on a reverse. If we had the Elder Wand…” Hermione trails off in thought. 

 

“What good would the Elder wand do?” 

 

“It is the most powerful wand to exist, Harry, it would do us loads of good.” Hermione responds, “We best get back to sleep, we do have a long day ahead of us. Even longer without Ron.” 

* * *

The battle is going spectacularly badly, several students and Order members lay dead while Death Eaters and Voldemort smirk at what is left of the Order and student body. Voldemort calls out to Draco, telling him to step over to their side. Draco swallows hard as he takes in his options. Finally, he shakes his head, “No, I won’t join you.” 

 

Voldemort’s eyes narrow to a slit as he hisses, “What? You dare defy me?” 

 

Draco steps out from the students and firmly states, “I won’t stand with you. I won’t stand with a man who would see the world burn.” Draco doesn’t back down, staring at Voldemort with conviction. 

 

Harry readies himself to move in a second as Voldemort smirks, “Very well, you have made a brave but stupid mistake, young Malfoy.” Before anyone so much as moved, he raises his wand and incantates, “ _ Avada Kedavra _ !”  With a flash of green, Draco drops dead, causing the students, bar Neville, to move back a few steps and cry out. Draco’s parents shout, Lucius holding Narcissa back from rushing to her son. Harry squeezes his eyes even tighter shut with pain. 

 

With rage in his eyes, Neville steps forward and addresses Voldemort and the Death Eaters, “It doesn’t matter that Harry’s gone.  People die every day. Friends, family. Yeah, we lost Harry tonight. But he's still with us, in here.” Neville gestures to his heart, “So's Fred, and Remus, Tonks... all of them, even Draco. They didn't die in vain. But you will, 'cause you're wrong! Harry's heart did beat for us, for all of us! It's not over!” Neville pulls the sword out of the hat and the battle begins anew.   
  


* * *

 

After Voldemort is gone and defeated and everyone begins to pick up, Harry finds himself in the courtyard, cradling Draco’s body and shaking with silent sobs. Narcissa approaches Harry, setting a hand on his shoulder and causing him to look up. “He told me the few memories he remembered, he loved you.” Narcissa forlornly brushes a hand down her son’s face before she tugs Harry into her arms. “You may not be my son, but I will protect you all the same.” 

 

Voice thick with grief, Harry forces himself to reply, “Thank you.” 

 

Narcissa replies by tugging Harry even closer to herself and softly saying, “We’ll bury him in a sunny meadow with yellow acacias, Adonis flowers, and pink carnations surrounding him.” Harry nods his agreement and they settle in their wake, which is how Hermione and several other students find the pair sometime later. 

**Author's Note:**

> So for the flowers: yellow acacias mean secret love; adonis means sorrowful remembrance and pink carnation means I will never forget you. I figure that Narcissa would know the language of flowers.


End file.
